


She remembers having wings

by Vampiric_Charms



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Panic Attacks, Some Fluff, episode filler
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:21:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27441100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vampiric_Charms/pseuds/Vampiric_Charms
Summary: JJ watches as her team and family are thrown into jeopardy with the threat of anthrax again on the horizon.  She doesn’t handle it as well as she thinks she should, but Emily is there to help her before things spiral out of control.
Relationships: Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss
Comments: 2
Kudos: 65





	She remembers having wings

**Author's Note:**

> Set during s4e24, _Amplification_. I know technically the team doesn’t go back to the office during most of this episode, but I had to fit this in somewhere once I got the idea. So let’s pretend!

JJ stood at the window in her office, staring blindly out into the bullpen and all the people frantically doing their jobs. She tugged at the locket around her neck, over and over, as she catastrophized through every possible situation - all ending with her son ill, dying. It was like she was going crazy, losing her mind in the face of such an impossible day.

If anything happened to her family, to Spencer, she would cease to exist. She knew she would.

A quick rap on her open door startled JJ almost out of her skin, forcing her mind back to the immediate present. She snapped her head to the side, ready to snap at whoever was bothering her when there were so many other important things these agents needed to focus on - but it was Emily, standing there looking ready to weather whatever JJ threw at her. Emily, who was supposed to be out there, too, exposing herself to so much danger.

JJ swallowed, harsh and anxious. “You’re back?”

“Just for a minute, yeah,” Emily said quietly, coming inside and closing the door when she saw the expression on JJ’s face. “Garcia caught me at the elevator, she told me you were having a rough time. Are you okay?”

Rather than the intense anger she was expecting at the question too many people had asked, JJ instead felt her throat close around a faint wail. She sucked in a deep, quick breath, trying to put off the choking sensation that was pushing in all around her. This was too much. All of it. She couldn’t take it anymore, didn’t _want_ to take it anymore. She wanted to hear Will’s voice telling her her son was fine, she wanted to run home and hold Henry in her arms until this whole day was over.

Her chest hurt so, so badly and she tugged again at her necklace, pulling the chain tight against her neck. She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t see, she couldn’t think - it was too much. She couldn’t _breathe_.

“JJ, hey - Jayje.”

It was Emily. She was still there, in JJ’s office, and through her tunneled vision JJ vaguely noticed her cross the office to stand in front of her. She couldn’t see her face clearly and she realized with a crazed sob that she was crying - there were tears all down her face, wetting her cheeks and blurring her eyes.

“JJ,” Emily said again, her voice far away to JJ’s muddled mind, through ears stuffed with cotton. “JJ, you’re having a panic attack. Can you hear me?”

Hiccuping sobs broke through and she gasped desperately for a calming breath that didn’t come. It took everything she had to nod once, shakily, as her hand clasped convulsively around the locket over and over. She felt as though she were going to fall over - or just fall.

Emily took her hands, prying them very gently away from the necklace and holding them firmly in her own, bringing them to her chest so JJ could feel the warmth of Emily’s skin through the soft fabric of her shirt. She sucked in more air for her desperate, burning lungs and it was _too_ _much_.

“Look at me, Jayje. Look at me, okay?”

JJ did, forcing her eyes to focus, to see Emily standing in front of her. Emily’s eyes were so dark, so familiar, and still her mind swam, found only pain and illness and chaos. Too much.

Emily tightened her grip on JJ’s hands. “Good, Jayje, that’s right. Look at me. Will you breathe with me?” she asked, voice quiet and the only thing JJ could hear above her screaming thoughts. Without needing a response, Emily continued speaking. “I’ll count for us, okay? Breathe in for one, two, three - hold it, and out. Good, JJ, good. Again - breathe in - ”

JJ wasn’t deserving of the praise, and her breaths stuttered through her aching ribs, cut with hiccups and weeping gasps. But Emily kept going, kept counting, and JJ could feel Emily’s chest rising and falling under her hands. JJ forced herself to think of that, only of that. One, two, three. One, two, three.

Slowly, slowly, she was able to follow Emily’s guidance. Her panting breaths evened, her mind stopped spinning. She blinked, her eyes focusing solidly on Emily as her lungs stopped fighting for every inhale. She was watching as JJ collected herself back, a worried expression on her face that only made JJ feel worse.

As though she could hear those thoughts coming back, Emily stepped closer and leaned forward so her forehead was pressed to JJ’s. “Just breathe, Jayje,” Emily told her. “It’s okay. We’re all okay.”

JJ squeezed her eyes closed, doing as Emily said. She took a deep breathe in, held it, let it go. Again, again. She could feel Emily’s warm breath against her cheek, helping to guide her through the brief dip back downward. They were synchronized, together, and the knowledge of it soothed JJ more than she realized she needed. 

Emily released JJ’s hands so she could cup her face instead, gentle and comforting, their faces so near. “You’re okay,” she murmured. “You’re okay. Shh.”

JJ grasped her empty hands in Emily’s shirt, needing to hold onto something before she grabbed at her throat again, as she had been doing before. The contact helped, and she kept her eyes closed against the reality that was waiting for her. “Henry - ” It came out as another hiccup and Emily rubbed her thumbs under JJ’s eyes, wiping her tears.

“I know, I know.” And JJ heard that understanding, that Emily _did_ know. She _did_ get it. JJ didn’t have to explain anything to her, because Emily already knew it all, knew everything. “Your boys are safe, Jayje. You have to believe they are. You’ll see them in just a few hours.”

“This isn’t fair,” JJ ground out. 

“No,” Emily agreed, swiping away another tear as it began to fall. “It’s not fair at all.”

There was a slight commotion in the bullpen as the group reconvened by the doors. Someone called Emily’s name and she looked up, away from JJ and out the window of her office. JJ already felt her leaving and it was a pain through her heart again, the realization that this day wasn’t over and Emily was going back out into the chaotic, dangerous fray.

But she couldn’t ask Emily to stay with her, they both knew that. Emily returned her gaze to JJ’s and gave her a small, tight smile. “You’re going to be okay, Jayje,” she whispered. “ _Henry_ is going to be okay, Spencer is going to be okay. We’re going to fix this.”

Before JJ could even convince her hands to let go of the fabric of Emily’s shirt, Emily abruptly leaned forward again and pressed her lips to JJ’s forehead. “Just focus,” Emily told her quietly, breath warm against JJ’s clammy skin. “You can do this, I believe in you. Now just have faith in our team.”

Emily grasped JJ’s hands back into her own, guiding them away from her chest for another comforting, brief, kiss to her fingertips.

“Be safe,” JJ said, feeling her throat wanting to close again and swallowing harshly around it.

They let go of each other when Hotch called for Emily again. She gave JJ a last grin as JJ reluctantly wrapped her arms around her stomach. “I’ll see you soon,” Emily told her, and JJ could hear how she meant it.

JJ watched her go, back out into the crowded bullpen and then to meet with the others. They disappeared through the frosted glass doors, gone from her sight. The panic fought again, swelling in her chest and holding tight around her ribs - but she remembered Emily’s soft voice, guiding her to breathe, and she clung to it.

They would be back. They would be safe.

They would all be safe.

They had to be.


End file.
